Tainted
by Super Sheba
Summary: Words cannot express the deep feelings between the two, yet something stands in the way.


Disclaimer:  I do not claim ownership to the idea of Kenshin's guilt.  I also don't own Rurouni Kenshin.  Would I be writing fanfiction if I actually did?

**Tainted**

Tainted.  Only one word could truly describe my existence.  Transgressions left crimson stains on my once pure past, and the guilt surrounding those stains refused to fade.  It mattered not to me that people told me I was forgiven.  Repenting for one's sins can never return the slain, nor can it fill the void within grief-stricken hearts.  Escape from the sorrow shattering my very being seemed impossible, yet within one I found the comfort and peace I so longed to attain.

It was odd the way I met her, yet my heart lead me to believe fate had been smiling upon me that day.  Never will I forget that day I cherish within my heart.  The painting upon my mind remains pure and full.  

_A young woman ran down the street, bokken in hand.  Her raven hair flew behind her as she raced to reach someone of whom I was not sure.  It dawned upon me as she halted, that the anger in her eyes was directed at me._

_"You stop right there battousai!" ordered the young girl, her spirit fierce and strong._

_"Oro?" I questioned, confused as to why she had accused me in such a way.  _

_"You killed three more people last night!" she growled, her hand gripping my arm._

_"I think you are mistaken." I replied, for I had done no such thing.  I unsheathed my sword and handed it to her, its blade shining in the dim sunlight.  "I am just a wanderer.  I could not kill anyone with this sword."_

_"The blade is on the wrong side!" gasped the young woman, as she continued to gaze upon the blade.  _

_"It's a sakabatou." I informed her, a smile on my face._

_A whistle rang through the air as the young woman threw my sword aside._

_"This time it's the real battousai!" she yelled as she fled my presence, leaving me alone to ponder._

_Shaking my head, I began to muse.   How wrong she was; the true battousai had just stood before her.  It was not something I wanted to hold onto, for I longed to rid myself of the poison flowing through my veins that soiled my innocence.  An urge to follow her pulled me forward, though I attempted to resist the urge.  I found her cornered against a wall, scarlet liquid seeping from a deep cut in her delicate arm.  Without thinking, I rushed forward, grasping her in my arms, escaping the other man's blade.  I clutched her close to my chest, allowing my hands to feel the softness of her silky skin.  Consciousness had fled the young woman, leaving her defenseless in my arms.  A peaceful look graced her face, and beauty resonated from each delicately formed feature.  Had she been born of flowers, emerging from a rose at her birth?  Warmth and comfort eased my aching heart as she lay in my arms, depending on me to return her home safely.  Though she had not voiced the words, I knew that it was her wish, and I could never leave such an angel to die, for that would be a far greater sin than any murders I had before committed.  Still, despair enveloped my soul, and I knew I could never again dwell in her presence.  Far too lowly of a beast was I to ever deserve her love._

That kindness Kaoru brought me will never be forgotten.  My heart yearns to draw her into my embrace and utter the three simple words drifting through my mind each time she graces me with a smile.  Forever lost I could be in her compassion filled eyes.  They did not stare at me with hatred or anger, only love and gentle gazes looked upon me.  Never did she care about my past, nor did she fear me in any way.  Her eyes only perceived me as an innocent and naïve rurouni, searching for someone to heal his soul.  True it was that my soul ailed as sorrow consumed each glint of happiness attempting to cover my guilt, but all grief and despair fled the moment she took my hand into hers, intertwining her fingers with mine.  Gently she would kiss my forehead, and whisper soothingly into my ear, relieving the pain eating away at my soul.  So innocent was Kaoru, that she had never tasted blood, nor had it poisoned her purity.  Kaoru was so strong, so determined, qualities that I greatly admired.  Perhaps this is what drew me to her that first day, or maybe it was her forgiving nature.  She never thought of herself, so caring that she willed others to cast there burdens upon her gentle heart.  A longing urges me to speak with her about such things, but I cannot grieve her with my pains.

A figure crept up to me slowly, placing her hand on my shoulder, a worried look gracing her lovely features.  I turned my head to gaze at the ground, not wanting to look into her eyes.  To me, Kaoru was sacred, her eyes more holy than life itself, and I could not look at her for fear of stealing her innocence.  Her hand gripped my shoulder a bit tighter, and I sat silently, wondering what was bothering her.  Sitting down next to me, she took my hand and rested hers atop it.  It felt so good to be near her, yet I continued to push myself away.

"Kenshin, what is bothering you?" asked Kaoru, her sapphire orbs filled with concern.  "You've been acting strangely the whole day!"

"It is nothing Kaoru-dono." I answered quietly.

"You don't have to hold everyone's burdens on your shoulders." Kaoru replied, icy tears forming in her eyes.  "Why can't you ever let me help you?  I cannot bear to look at you this way.  Do you not see it pains me more when you conceal things from me than it does when you allow me to listen?"

"Kaoru-dono, please." I whispered back, withdrawing my hand from hers.  "If you only knew the suffering I endure, you would be filled with grief.  I don't know whether you could handle it.  You are far too precious for me to lose.  I can live through the pain."

Throwing her arms around me, Kaoru sobbed into my chest, her tears filled with despair.  Slowly, I pulled Kaoru into my embrace, longing to douse her tears.  She gripped the fuchsia splashed fabric of my gi, beating her fists into my chest.  I placed my hand atop her head and began to stroke her shining black hair.  It was soft to the touch, and smelt strongly of jasmine.  Her beauty captivated me as I allowed her to weep in my arms.  Kaoru was truly an angel, placed into the hell of this earth.  It was beyond my understanding as to how such a wonderful woman could receive so many losses within a lifetime.  These grievances were undeserved; Kaoru would never harm another human soul.  

"Kenshin…." said Kaoru in a saddened tone, her voice sweet as honey. 

"Kaoru-dono please…." I pleaded, only drawing her closer to me.

I could feel her short and tired breaths as she wept, and I longed to bring her joy.  Yet, I knew it was not my place, and I could not possibly relieve her pain.

"Don't leave me….please…." Kaoru whispered, tightening her grip on my gi.

Leaning my face close to her ear, I whispered, "I cannot guarantee my presence."

Turning my head, I looked up at the sky.  Its indigo hew enveloped the tiny fireflies of stars as a cool wind blew.  Cherry trees waltzed in the evening as the brook's burble rang, bringing music to the silenced world.  I pulled Kaoru closer in attempts to warm her shivering form.  Quite chilly was the air and I felt the need to protect her, whether it be from evil or cold.  Holding her chin in my hands, I turned Kaoru's head to the sky.  A few dark clouds were dispersed through out space, yet a peaceful aura surrounded the gentle night cradling the world into a deep sleep.  Falling to the ground were the first pearly snowflakes of winter, as they fell into Kaoru's raven hair.  The beauty was indescribable, and I longed to remain by her side, but I could not.  Releasing Kaoru from my embrace, I squeezed her hand and stood up.  She reached towards me as tears streamed down her cheeks, leaving damp spots in the earth.  Gripping the hilt of my sword, I walked away into the darkness, never again to taint Kaoru's purity. Never.   


End file.
